just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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