all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
