shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
