Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
