he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
