I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
