i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
