I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
