He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dear god my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
