i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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