he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We don't watch enough power rangers
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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