I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
