I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
