soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
