hell yes lets make some ravioli
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
