Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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