So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
