I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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