the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
