Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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