omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
