i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
