end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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