The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
