Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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