no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
