My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
