i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
