He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
