I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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