My first STD was from a foam party
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
