I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
