Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
