What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
