I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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