yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
