So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
