You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize