At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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