omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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