If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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