i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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