I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
