there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He has the fingertips of a God
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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