You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
