So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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