So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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