so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
