JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
