It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
