Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
